The End.

I am in mourning. I have lost my best friend, lover, soul mate, my everything.  The hardest part is that it wasn’t to death. He is still alive.

The beautiful piece of paradise where we lived was a constant source of stress, bad feelings and memories for him.  It is because of it that I lost him. The legacy that was left to him consumed my wonderful loving husband.  It took every bit of a wonderful man and destroyed him, leaving a bitter, mean, resentful, hateful person. Maybe he was right, the place is cursed. Maybe instead of trying to help him hang on and keep it, I should have stood aside and watched it sink or be sold. I didn’t though, I thought I was being a good wife. Now I don’t think so. According to the man left behind I wasn’t. I am so sorry.

I loved our life.  I loved him.  He was everything I had ever wanted in a husband. He was kind, loving, strong, fun and funny, so smart, creative, handsome, my biggest fan and I was his.  He made my eyes blue.  When I was with him my eyes were almost always blue. I don’t think they will ever be again because they never were before him.  Now I have to keep them from turning black.



5 thoughts on “The End.

  1. Kenneth James Alexander

    Life in paradise sometimes isn’t what you think people in agriculture scafice everyday for something that most people can’t begin comprendend We do this because of reasons some easy to understand some because of the promises we are bound to from long ago! The Ranch will sell and the struggle will end the leagecy of broken lives, estranged children will come to a end and all this because of paradise!!! But jn the meantime the struggles continues along with the memories of happier times to get us through. I was once married to the women of my dreams but that know is gone along with the life we once had .I MISS the mornings the most ! and isn’t it funny how thoughts of it happened on the very same day as I received this post. The memories of what once was will have to be the strength you need to move along ,for there will be struggles ahead of you!
    Good luck with your future and most important our kids you are where you should be. The End.


  2. To my mind you are the strong one in this family! You kept your wedding cows and worked hard to keep the family and the farm together!! If He been married to a hard working farmer for 45 years and we didn’t start out life together farming but once started we worked on and off the farm full time. It’s not easy but no one promised it would be! You hang in there girl and I will be praying for you and the success of the BarML!


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